I have the unfortunate luck of having to share a bathroom with Fannie, who I secretly call Fatass in my head every time she speaks. She is by far the most disrespectful and disgusting member of the household. She has long black hair which she sheds constantly and never cleans up. It is all over the floor, the counter, and the shower we share. Twice now I’ve gotten out of the shower and picked her hair off of my body. How do I know it’s not my hair you may ask? Because dear readers my hair is blonde, naturally blonde. Nothing makes a person want to vomit like picking another person’s unclean hair off their body.
The weirdness continued when I went into the kitchen to make lunch. The kitchen was dark, damp, and disgusting as usual. There were cheerios, crumbs, pieces of hair, dried flower petals, and dirty dishes scattered on every work surface. I got out some instant Asian noodles and decided to prepare my food on slightly more cleanly looking bar stool I found. I take the package of noodles and a bowl out of my cupboard. Realizing, I will need a fork I walk over to my utensil drawer to get one. I reach into grab one and accidentally brush something small and cold with my hand. I turn up the lights so as to see better and discover that the small cold thing is a black tub of M.A.C. lipstick – Satin Red AC8 to be exact. Bright Red and sculpted like a child’s crayon it lays there. Proof of what I already know.
My roommates are the biggest bunch of hypocrites the world has ever seen. They scream at me for moving their disgusting dishes so that I can clean mine, yell at me for moving their smelly misplaced shoes from the entranceway to the hall closet, and holler at me for moving their straightening irons out of the way so I can use the counter, and then use my utensils and leave their tacky lipstick behind. Like the evidence of some illustrious affair the lipstick as confirmed all of my suspicions and created even more doubts.