The Absence of Friends

I lost a friend today. They haven’t died. They’ve just left. They’re transferring to a new university for a second time contrariety to what they said last time we spoke of it. They’re all excited. They think its grand. I’m dying inside.


I never mean as much to them

As they mean to me

I try to hide it

I’m sure it shows

I’m tired of being lonely

Just for being me

You’d think I was strange

The number of friends I’ve lost

But not really as different as you might think

I’m smart and I’m funny

Or at least I try to be

I like to dance and party

Traits most people rarely see

I’m sick of investing in bankrupt accounts

Of putting everything in

And getting nothing out

I want this to end

I’m so sick of this life

The cycle is never ending

I want a life


Baking As Stress Relief

I bake for a lot of reasons. I love the smell of warm cookies in the oven. I love trying new techniques and recipes. Sometimes I bake to give myself a break from the hell that is sometimes my life. Today was one of those days. Things have been very stressful lately. Between exams and final papers I have barely had time to breath let alone think.

I baked chocolate mint cupcakes today and piping frosting onto them reminded me of something. I was a perfectionist for most of my life and it wasn’t till last year that I finally let it go. I got to a point in my life where I literally did not have time to make every assignment, every presentation, every essay, every concoction perfect. I let go of the concept of perfection and the idea of being a perfectionist because I had to, because I was forced to. As painful as it was, sometimes we need that push. And while parts of last year were utter hell and there are certainly a few things I would change, there are certain things I wouldn’t. As a result of my housing, academic, and mental struggles I have become a stronger, wiser, more confident person. You can’t put a price on that sense of self being and self worth.

I’ve learned a lot in the past year and a half. Sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe in and sometimes you need to go along with what the crazy, angry person wants and tell people what they want to hear because it just isn’t worth and you’re not going to win this one. Sometimes you need to push yourself to do your best and sometimes whatever you could muster up at three A.M. is enough. It’s all a balancing act and a rubik cube at the same time. So take a deep breath, everything will be fine, things will turn out just fine. If they don’t you’ll deal with it when the time comes. Be as prepared as you can and every once in a while bake some cupcakes. You’ll feel better. I guarantee it. 🙂